Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Okay, I'm changing the focus of this a bit...

Okay, while I will continue to cover green investing, I am going to just start pitching my leftist views on pretty much everything.

Here is a letter I sent to a bunch of newspapers in response to a MoveOn campaign asking people to write about how ridiculously out of touch with this place called "reality" Mr. McCain really is.


Dear Editor,

With the elections looming in November, I have begun to reflect on the two main candidates - Barack Osama…er, Obama, and John “Patriot” McCain. After much thought, I’ve come to a conclusion: John McCain is the only candidate that’s good for America. He’s got a solid, realistic view of the American economy, and that view centers around the fact that there is nothing wrong! Why fix what’s not broken? Allow me to elaborate.

First, John McCain supports oil, the only American fuel. Liberals like to moan about how he wants to give $39 billion more subsidies to oil companies, despite the fact that the four largest oil companies (Exxon, Shell, BP, and Chevron) made over $1 trillion in revenue in 2007. This is a great idea! I mean, a trillion is a big number, but isn’t capitalism (and, thus, America) about rewarding the most important services? What’s more important than providing the gas that allows me to drive my SUV the three blocks from my house to the grocery store?

Barack Obama thinks that Americans should “walk” or “ride bikes”. He thinks the government should instead spend my hard-earned money on “renewable energies”, to fight things like things like “global warming” and “peak oil”. Global warming? What a laugh! Last night, it was like 50 degrees out! In summer! How is that POSSIBLY considered “warm”? And excuse me, but if the Gulf of Mexico runs out of oil, we’ll just drill in ANWR. I mean really, who needs trees? If God cared about the environment, he wouldn’t have put it all around our oil reserves. Worst comes to worst, we can always invade Iran. I mean, democracy for oil is a fair trade, right? The answer is “yes”.

Even if this so-called global warming is happening, McCain knows that rising seas will just make it easier to buy beachfront properties, and higher temperatures will make it easier to enjoy them! This brings me to my next point: there is no “housing crisis”. To those of you who lost your homes because you took subprime loans hyped up by big banks, expect no sympathy from McCain; you’re just whiners, and whiners are un-American! Besides, think of all those poor Wall Street bankers! All those write-downs – I mean, that HAS TO cut into the $2 million Christmas bonus! I think everyone should take a page from McCain’s book and marry rich. Then you could conveniently ignore “economics” and still afford seven houses! That’s the American way to go! Besides, who buys a house on credit? McCain says that you’re only considered rich if you make more than $5 million, so the average middle-class family should be able to pay cash for a $1 million home, right? What were all those poor people thinking, buying houses on credit? Get jobs first!

Frankly, John McCain’s policies echo the policies of another great President: George W. Bush. President Bush’s economic policies have done wonders for our country, and we’re now in a time where the “true” middle-class enjoys wonderful prosperity, especially those who work in the truly American oil and defense industries (let’s forget about the poor – they’ll complain no matter what). That’s what John McCain says anyways, and I believe him because, frankly, questioning is un-American.

And I’m as American as they come.


The Social Investor

1 comment:

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Best wishes, Ron Robins